This is my fourth lesson in the course, and I still feel lost. I genuinely love studying, love Marsha (she is a wonderful person) and I’m passionate about this topic—learning about and discussing culture together is something I truly enjoy. I also really appreciate being part of UAL. However, I sometimes feel like I’m falling behind. My classmates all seem brilliant, and I can’t help but feel like the weakest in the group. Even though I’m doing my best, I still feel like I’m not quite keeping up.
Maybe part of why I feel lost is because I’ve been out of school for so long. After working for years, returning to study feels like a big adjustment. I hope that by the end of this course, when I look back at my blog, I’ll see growth and progress. Right now, though, it’s tough. I do a lot of reading and preparation before each class, which I enjoy, but in class, I get nervous and struggle to speak up. I’m shy and lack confidence in expressing myself, and I’m not entirely sure why.
After reading the Goffman’s article, I began questioning why I feel the need to present myself as brilliant or perfect in this course. I don’t have a clear answer. Perhaps this reflection will help me understand myself more deeply and reduce the pressure I place on myself.
I hope this blog becomes a space for reflection, allowing me to look back on where I am today. In two years, I want to see growth, to know that I’ve changed and evolved from this point. When I revisit this entry, I hope to feel proud of the progress I’ve made, knowing that I’ve become more confident and capable. This journey may be challenging, but I believe it will lead me to a better version of myself.
In a sense, and in so far as this mask represents the conception we have formed of ourselves—the role we are striving to live up to—this mask is our truer self, the self we would like to be.
Goffman, E. (1959). The Presentation of Self in Everyday Life.
